...and Pat Robertson is holding the flashlight.
That's right, once again, one of our great Christian leaders has set the world straight. He turned what could have been seen as a tragedy into something with a reasonable explaination, thus making it less fearsome and even good.
In case you missed it, Pat has explained that Israelian Prime Minister Arial Sharon's most recent massive stroke is, in fact, a hard, stinging spank from God for being bad. Sharon had the audacity to to offer up part of Isralian occupied Gaza to the Palestinians in hopes that it would be a step towards peace. He was even quoted as saying that although he does beleive the land was given to his people by God, they are willing to sacrifice this gift in the name of peace. What an ass! As Pat explains, God says "Hey, that's my land! You better not go messing with it!" The sad part, I didn't even make up that last quote...that's what he said.
Now, I had always been under the crazy assumption that God would smile upon such an action. He's usually pretty big on personal sacrifice for the greater good and all that...or so I thought! No, no, no! God likes His stuff - and He hates re-gifters! Shame on you, Sharon!
Pat's had a busy year bringing those of us in the dark to his light. Through him, I learned that hurricanes and tsunami's are only God killing bad people, so they're okay. And to think, I had wasted precious time actually feeling bad about all the suffering of these people! Glad that's over! Pat also showed me that if you live in PA and you vote to not exclusively teach ID theory in your classrooms then, you might not have a hurricane yet...but just you wait...it's comin'!! Pat has made my faith journey so much easier by boiling everything down to one simple point...if you screw up (defined as anything Pat disagrees with) God's gonna get ya! He hates screw ups! He wants - and frankly expects - you, and everyone around you to be perfect (defined as pleasing to Pat Robertson)
Yes, now I see the glimmering light of truth...thanks Pat. Oh wait, that's not truth....turns out it's my white hot fiery rage!!
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3 comments:
Yes, Robertson is one of the greatest champions of Christianity our species has ever seen. I think he's better than Paul. The consistency in his thinking is what's so great about him. For instance, he loves the Patriot Act, but hates the idea that Britain is introducing a new surveilence system on their city streets. He's so cool.
It's funny how you can put the prefix "Rev." in front of a name and people automatically assume their dumbass bigoted opinions are worth something. As if he has more of a connection to God than Sharon, or citizens of Dover, or New Orleans.
Sam, you rock.
Yes, I had heard recently about his real estate ventures in Israel...see new post
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